From reverb10 yesterday:
Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
In my last post I already mentioned my most important lesson from 2010, one brought home to me by my mother’s rapidly progressing dementia and my close friend’s cancer diagnosis: our time is limited and the conditions of our lives can change very quickly. That has been very motivating for me in taking action towards the most important goals and areas of my life right now.
Looking for the lesson is something that comes naturally to me — as a lifelong learner, I apply the same curiosity to my own life as I do to the books I read and activities I pursue. But too often, I think there’s some negative connotation attached to how we use that word: in phrases like “there must be a lesson in here somewhere,” “I’ll teach him a lesson,” “that’ll teach you,” or “she learned her lesson,” teaching is often aggressive and the lessons painful.
Sure, there are lessons to be drawn from painful experiences — as my own example suggests. But there is so much to learn from what is going well in our lives, from what is rich and nurturing and good.
People seek out coaching in order to make some kind of change in their lives. In the coaching process we spend time exploring what kind of change they seek and what kinds of obstacles are currently stopping them. But another very powerful question I often ask my clients and myself is what’s working? When we’re excited about fixing a problem or embarking on a new adventure, we often overlook what’s working. We discount what seems ordinary or obvious to us.
Exploring what’s going well is an important step in identifying your strengths and capacities. Asking how you are successful in one area can help you figure out what support you need in another.
So when I ask what’s working, I begin to see some other lessons from 2010, too: that I’m capable under pressure; that I enjoy learning new things; and that I have built strong relationships that sustain me through difficulty. Good lessons to remember as I move forward into the new year.